This girl is more easily done than said...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
