I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
