you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
