i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
