No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
