hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
