haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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