can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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