No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
