We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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