is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
