Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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