I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
