i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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