Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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