I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
