she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
