I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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