hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Alive.
So much puke
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
