I wish my penis had an off switch
People with herpes should wear stickers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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