Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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