he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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