Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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