Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
