Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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