New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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