Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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