im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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