Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.

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  (703): help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help. http://tfl.nu/t5wn
  Replies (11) Good night (745) Bad night (1621)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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  (845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. http://tfl.nu/ocgs
  Replies (11) Good night (1152) Bad night (2053)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .

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  (609): She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . . http://tfl.nu/b8fc
  Replies (6) Good night (851) Bad night (2436)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

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  (919): Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate http://tfl.nu/0wu1
  Replies (3) Good night (4905) Bad night (1107)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.

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  (973): i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me. http://tfl.nu/dox4
  Replies (8) Good night (3390) Bad night (958)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol

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  (910): can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol http://tfl.nu/846v
  Replies (5) Good night (2342) Bad night (1297)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.

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  (806): I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you. http://tfl.nu/8w6h
  Replies (12) Good night (3438) Bad night (1015)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.

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  (307): And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door. http://tfl.nu/qc62
  Replies (2) Good night (1224) Bad night (617)
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  (626): View more from California

  Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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  (626): Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here. http://tfl.nu/81th
  Replies (3) Good night (2113) Bad night (794)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.

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  (315): The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me. http://tfl.nu/qtoi
  Replies (6) Good night (1500) Bad night (522)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Still. Make it happen

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  (215): Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both" (1-215): Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen. (1-215): Still. Make it happen http://tfl.nu/b78c
  Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.

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  (865): I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE. (413): The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage. http://tfl.nu/j3o6
  Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (434)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.

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  (804): We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon. http://tfl.nu/tgyh
  Replies (2) Good night (1016) Bad night (341)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.

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  (602): I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared. http://tfl.nu/46e7
  Replies (4) Good night (505) Bad night (771)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!

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  (360): No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by! http://tfl.nu/p40f
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (293)

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