You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.