have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm