it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who died my cat blue again?