I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What drink are we having for lunch?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!