i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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