yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.