Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
