Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
