I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
