She just used a chaser for red wine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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