I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
