he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
