any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
