Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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