yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
