I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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