My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
