It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she looked like the before picture.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
