so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
