If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am available for nakedness
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
