she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm having to shit out rocks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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