Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
