Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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