yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
