my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
