I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
