I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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