my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
