So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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