There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
