Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
