a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize