Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
