i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
