Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize