hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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