"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
