Moan for me like Helen Keller
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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