this beer tastes like vomit already
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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