I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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