Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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