haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
