she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
