in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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