Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she pinky promised me she was 18
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
